Our Germerican Wedding Ceremony

On December 30, 2016, I married my [German] husband in a small civil wedding ceremony in Lüneburg, Germany.

Since we had planned a winter wedding in Northern Germany, we were never expecting nice weather. In fact, the days prior to the wedding were the typical gray, cold, rainy weather we are used to. However, the skies cleared for one single day in late December, and that was the day of our wedding.

The ceremony was held in the city's historic water tower. My husband, Marco, arrived at the venue before me and greeted our guests as they arrived. This was pretty easy considering there were only about 25 of them!

 I made the boutonnieres myself!

I actually walked to the water tower from an apartment my friend Meghan had rented nearby. Of course I forgot my bouquet (which Meghan ran back to the apartment to get), while I got to see my groom for the first time.

I then had a Cinderella moment as my Prince Charming helped me put my heels on, and strangers that were visiting the museum area of the water tower kept taking pictures of us.

Marco then went up to the ceremony room, as I waited downstairs with my father and the officiant. Luckily, my bouquet also arrived during this time (thanks again, Meghan!).

Then, when we were ready, we took the elevator up to the third floor, and my father walked me down the aisle to my husband-to-be.

I made my bouquet myself too!

I do have to admit that the ceremony itself was a little cheesy. Since Lüneburg is such a popular city for weddings, there are three public officiants that spend their days officiating civil wedding ceremonies. Our photographer, Björn Schönfeld, told us that ours is particularly well-known for her over-the-top flowery language. But the bright side was that her speech was so cheesy that I didn't cry (and will probably always remember it)!

And after each saying "ja," we were married! We exchanged rings and signed the marriage certificate immediately afterwards.

And we walked out of the water tower as husband and wife.

Come back next week to see the reception photos!

Getting Married in Germany: Wedding Planning, Pt. 2

At the end of August, I wrote about the plans for our wedding in Germany, which will be held this year on December 30! There, I wrote that we had set a date and location, I had my dress, and we sent out invitations.

Here is what we've gotten done since then:

Photographer
Our wedding is small and simple, but finding a great photographer whose style we really liked was important for us. We sent emails to about 15 photographers in our city. We were pleasantly surprised when our two favorites quoted us reasonable prices for a three-hour photography package (digital copies of all edited photos included).

Funny story: after making an appointment with one of the photographers, we happened to see him "at work," while we were walking through the city. We just watched without saying hi. When we met with him the next week, we really got along with him, so we booked him on the spot!

Groom's Suit
After going to several different stores and ordering (and sending back) at least 10 different colors and styles from online retailers, Marco finally found the perfect suit! He has also already purchased a vest and tie. I don't want to give too much away, but here is the picture that inspired Marco's outfit:

All he has left to buy now is a shirt and shoes.

Menu

The standard length of a wedding reception in Germany is 8 hours. Yes, my American friends, you read that right: 8 hours. So, our wedding reception is going to be 8 hours long.

With such a small guest list and a long time frame, we knew we needed good food and an open bar. Since Marco really loves to eat, we also opted for the buffet and a late night snack. We met with our event planner in early October to set the menu.

The following weekend, we went to the hotel's wine distributor to choose the wine that will be served at our wedding. That was a lot of fun, and I was definitely tipsy by the end of it.

Wedding Cake

My soon-to-be-[practically-step-]mother-in-law (i.e. my fiancé's father's long-term partner) has graciously offered to make our wedding cake. She already has plans to make a three-tier cake, which should be plenty for our 30 guests. However, just this weekend, she also told us she will make two additional cakes as well. All I can say is that I hope our guests leave room after the buffet!

We also plan on using my parent's Precious Moments cake topper, which they still have from their wedding. I think it's pretty darn cute.

Well, that's about it for now! Next up on our list of things to do: design/print menu cards, choose centerpieces, buy wedding favors, and get a sound system.

Getting Married in Germany: Costs and Fees for Foreigners

How much does it cost for a foreigner to get married in Germany?

I searched this exact question quite a lot after my German fiancé popped the question back in November. And although this question depends on your citizenship and the German city you are in, I still struggled to find any answers.

So, now that I have registered my marriage and payed all the fees, I will tell you how much it cost for me, a US-American, to marry a German in Germany.

Here is a breakdown of all the necessary costs and fees my fiancé and I had to pay in order to legally register our marriage at the German registry office (Standesamt):

1. Document Fees: 78€
As a US-American, I needed a new copy of my birth certificate with apostille. This cost about $25, and getting them mailed to Germany via certified mail was $30.

My German fiancé needed a new copy of his birth registration (Abschrift aus dem Geburtenregister), which cost 12€.

We also each had to get new copies of our registration certificates from the city (Meldebescheinigung), which cost 9€ each.

2. Translation of Documents: 50€
My birth certificate had to be translated by a certified translator in Germany. Although it was just a single sheet of paper with about 50 words on it, it still cost 50€. Note that translations cost exponentially more if there are more lines/words on your birth certificate or if you have to get additional documents translated.

3. Registration Fee: 80€
This is the normal marriage registration fee that the registry office charges every couple. In my city, the fee for two German citizens to marry is 40€, and a marriage with at least one foreign citizen is 80€. Don't ask why, it will just make you crazy.

4. Oath of No Impediment: 25€
The Germans have this thing called an Ehefähigkeitszeugnis (certificate of no impediment to marriage). If that doesn't exist in the country you are from, you need to take an oath that you are able to get married. Since the U.S. doesn't issue such documents, I had to take an oath at the registry office, which cost 25€.

If you are really unlucky, your Standesamt may require you to take this oath at your country's consulate. This costs more, and you will have to travel to the consulate (for Americans, this means Bremen, Frankfurt, or Berlin). Luckily, I didn't have to do this.

5. Court Fee: 95€
After all the documents are turned in and the forms are signed, everything gets sent to the higher regional court (Oberlandesgericht) for approval. The fee for this is calculated according to your salary, and (according to our registry office) can be up to 500€.

My fiancé turned in his most recent pay stub (he works full-time at a public university, so you can probably guess his salary by looking up wages online if you really want), and since I am a student (and had no job nor scholarship at the time of registration), I just turned in proof of my full-time university enrollment.

Luckily (hahahah), we don't make very much money collectively, so we didn't come close to the maximum possible fee. Rather, we were pleasantly surprised when it was only 91€. We also had to pay 4€ in postage fees.

Total: 328€

There you have it. In total, my German fiancé and I have paid 328€ in order to legally marry in Germany. If I were German, it would have only been about 60€, but it is what it is.

For more information on the marriage process in Germany, check out the following posts:
- Required documents for getting married in Germany
- Registering a marriage in Germany

Getting Married in Germany: Wedding Planning, Pt. 1

Neither my German fiancé nor I have ever really cared much for weddings. So, for the first six months of our engagement we never really talked about our wedding at all.

Now don't get me wrong. Both Marco and I have a great respect for marriage, which is why we are getting married. We also love seeing people that we love get married. But all the wedding hoopla? Eh. Not for us.

Since we registered our marriage at the beginning of August, however, we have had to dive right into wedding planning. And with both of our laid-back attitudes about the whole thing, I have been pleasantly surprised with how smoothly it's all going. Here is everything we have gotten done so far:


Date
The local German registry office let us reserve a date for our civil ceremony already (even though our application is still sitting at the regional court and could be rejected). But assuming that doesn't happen, we are getting married on December 30th!


Ceremony Location
Our local registry office has five locations throughout the city for civil ceremonies. They are all located in beautiful and historic buildings, but one definitely stood out to us from the rest: the water tower. The Lüneburg Water Tower was built in 1905, but hasn't actually served as a water tower since the 1980s. Now it is a museum and viewing platform of the city.

Here are some images of wedding ceremonies held inside the water tower:

Source

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After the ceremony, we can roam the water tower and take pictures. Here some pictures from inside the water tower and on the platform:

Source

Source

Wedding Dress
My dress is actually the very first wedding-related thing we got. I knew I wanted to go wedding dress shopping with my mom, and the last time I would see my mom before the wedding was when I was in New York in July. So, my mother and I went to a wedding dress shop one day and walked out 30 minutes later with my dress. Best of all, the dress fits perfectly, and I only need the bottom hemmed.

Over the past couple weeks, I have also purchased shoes and a stole. So, my outfit is almost complete!


Invitations
We need to send out about 40 invitations. Exactly half of the recipients speak English and the other half speak German. So, the standard wedding invitation templates were not going to work for us. We were also horrified with the prices at most wedding invitation websites. So, I decided I would design our invitations myself and order them through Vistaprint.

I am no graphic designer, but I am still happy with the result. I added the Lüneburg skyline at the bottom, with a heart marking where our wedding ceremony will take place. Our invitations are personal to us, and nobody else has one like it!

(the details are written on the back in English & German)

Reception Location
After setting our date and choosing our ceremony location, the next step was to pick a location for the reception. Knowing our wedding would be small (>30 guests) and knowing we didn't want to waste spend a lot of money, we kind of figured that we would just end up booking a private room in the back of a restaurant somewhere. So, we started doing some internet research to figure out what restaurants in our city offered appropriately-sized rooms.

What we didn't expect is that the famous hotel in our city (famous among German women over 60 for its prominence on a German soap opera) would have several awesome venues for us to choose from, and that their wedding packages are very reasonably priced!

Ultimately, we chose the Mühlensaal (mill hall), which is in the city's old mill. Today, the building is known as the Lüner Mühle (Lüne mill), but a document from 1391 refers to the building as the Klostermühle (monastery mill), as it was originally owned by the monastery.

How many Americans can say they had their wedding reception in a building built in the 14th century?!

In the picture below, you can see me standing in front of the building. The entire second floor of the building is the reception hall - below is a restaurant and above are hotel rooms.

And here is a view of the building from the other side. As you can see, the building hangs quite precariously over the water, which means there are some great views from inside the reception hall.

That's the status of our wedding planning for now! Up next on our list of things to do: hire a photographer, pick out Marco's suit, get wedding rings, and get my dress altered. I'll check in again next month!

Getting Married in Germany: Registering a Marriage

Over 5 months after our first meeting at the German registry office, my German fiancé and I went back again today to officially register our marriage!

As I wrote in my previous post about getting married in Germany, we had to collect the following documents on our own:

✓ Foreign birth certificate with name of parents [with Apostille] & German translation (me)
✓ Copy from the birth register (German fiancé)
✓ Copy of passport
✓ Proof of income

Ordering the birth certificate, getting an Apostille for it, and then getting it all translated took the most time, but it was all relatively painless. At our appointment at the registry office, our case worker then put it all together to send to the regional court (Oberlandesgericht), and everything seemed to be going just fine. The problem came when he asked us about changing our names.

Originally, I wanted to change my middle name to my maiden name, and take my fiancé's last name. Theoretically, this is possible. The only problem is that according to all of my German documents, my current middle name is actually name second first name. And you cannot get rid of your second first name when marrying.

actual GIF of my German fiancé and me when the case worker told us this nonsense

So, now I have the following options:

1. Keep my name as it is (that is what I am registered for currently)
2. Just change my last name
3. Have two middle names (my current middle name + my maiden name)
4. Stick to my original plan by finding a way to prove that my middle name is NOT a second first name

It's not a easy decision, and I have to decide fast. Yikes!

At the end of our appointment, and after signing at least 5 different papers (are you sure you were never married before? are you sure you don't have any children? are you sure you are legally allowed to marry?), we got hit with the bill.

Marco and I originally thought that the only fee came from the regional court. We were wrong. For the registration of the marriage we paid a total of 127.00€.

Here is the breakdown of fees:

• Postage - 4€
• Acceptance of an oath - 25€
• Examination of the marriage requirements, foreign law - 80€
• 2x Registration certificate - 18€

Total: 127€

The other part of the bill will come after the regional court has approved our marriage registration. This fee is income-based, and since I am a student and my fiancé has a modest income, our case worker told us that the fee will definitely not be the maximum amount, which is around 500€.

Now on to the exciting part: we set our wedding date and location! Our city offers several beautiful, historic locations where couples can get married. One of these is the historic water tower, where couples can get married on Fridays. So, we will be getting married on Friday, December 30, 2016 in the Lüneburg Water Tower!

Getting Married in Germany: The Required Documents

If you didn't already know, I am getting married! Since I am marrying a German in Germany, however, this process is much more bureaucratic than romantic (at least for now).

The German fiance and I scheduled our first appointment at the local Standesamt (registry office) for Monday, February 15th at 10:00 a.m. This made for a very exciting Valentine's Day, as we were anticipating what would happen on the following day.

What documents do we need to get married in Germany? Will I need to go to the American embassy? How much money will it all cost? Can we set a date already?

Luckily, we got answers to all of those questions and more.

Before going to the Standesamt, I did a lot of research. I read about the experiences of other American expats that married Germans such as Sarah at My German Life and Marisa at Adventures of La Mari. However, just like all of the bureaucratic processes I have overcome so far, my experience is turning out to be completely different.

When we got to the Standesamt at 10:00 a.m. on that Monday morning, Mr. Standesamt-Man already had our profiles printed out in front of him (it kind of freaks me out what a thick file the German government has on me). He had also already created and printed out a list of the documents required for us to get married:

In total, here are the documents I need:
✓ Birth certificate with name of parents
       ✓ with Apostille*
✓ Passport
✓ Residence permit
✓ Proof of income*
✓ Affidavit of family status at the local registry office
✓ Affidavit of family status at the American consulate*

*Items marked with a star are only required in extraordinary circumstances.

Now let's go through and look at exactly what each of these documents are, and how I will get them.

✓ Birth certificate with name of parents (and apostille*)

Mr. Standesamt-Man was very careful to stress the importance that my parents' names must be on the birth certificate. The birth certificate also has to be issued within 6 months of when I turn it in. Since I am from Illinois, I looked at the Illinois Secretary of State website to see how I can order a birth certificate. The options are either in person, by mail, or online. Although I could do it online, there is a $13 handling fee. So, I convinced my mother to order it by mail.

In about 10% of cases, an Apostille (international certification) is also required. Mr. Standesamt-Man said that we can turn in the birth certificate without it, but it is possible that it would be rejected if the high court is unsure of the birth certificate's authenticity. Since the Apostille only costs $2 and can be ordered by mail, this is something else my mother has graciously agreed to get for me.


✓ Passport

Luckily, our Standesamt is very generous (I've read horror stories from other expats), and Mr. Standesamt-Man made copies of our passports right then and there. So, that's already taken care of (hence why he checked it off of our list).


✓ Residence Permit

Mr. Standesamt-Man took care of this for us too. I actually expected him to make us walk downstairs, pull a number, and wait in the waiting area until we could request a copy of this document ourselves (I wouldn't put this past German governmental offices). However, I was pleasantly proved wrong!


✓ Proof of Income*

Since the documents need to be checked by the high court, couples are charged a fee of 300€ to 500€ for the entire process (yikes!). However, this amount is income-based, so many couples do not actually have to pay the full amount. Providing proof of income is optional, but it can only help. If you don't turn it in at all, you automatically pay the full amount.


✓ Affidavit of family status at the local registry office
Mr. Standesamt-Man will take care of this for us when we turn in the rest of the documents. Basically, I just have to say "I solemnly swear I have never been married," and sign my name on the dotted line.

✓ Affidavit of family status at the American consulate*

This is another thing that is not required in most cases. Since it also costs $50 and a trip to one of the consulates (Berlin, Frankfurt, or Bremen), Mr. Standesamt-Man said not to worry about it. So, we will put this on the back burner for now, and hope our paperwork doesn't get rejected without it.

And that's it! After doing so much research over the past few months, reading "No! Don't do it! Get married in the U.S. or Denmark!", I am honestly quite surprised at how little seems to be required. So far, I think it looks quite manageable, and I will keep you updated on my progress along the way.