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Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Taking the Distance Out of a Long Distance Relationship

Marco (my German boyfriend) and I have been together for almost 2 years (23 months, to be exact). In those 23 months, we have spent about 8 months together and 15 months apart. The last time I saw him was in the beginning of January, making this gap over 7 months -- the longest time we have gone without seeing each other. So finally taking the distance out of our relationship is a big deal.

I am moving to be with him in 2 weeks. It is so nice to know that we will never have to have another emotional good-bye in an airport ever again. Being in a cross-lingual relationship, it is also nice to know that our number of misunderstandings will also decrease (99% of the fights we have had are due to a poor phone or internet connection).

Many people I know are always so amazed that our relationship lasted these past couple years. The truth is, even though we are over 4,000 miles apart, neither of us ever questioned it.

This was taken while we were visiting the tallest waterfall in Germany.

Have you ever been in a long distance relationship? Did it stand the test of time and distance? I would love to hear other success stories!

16 comments:

  1. Long distance relationships can definitely work. My husband (German citizen & resident) and I (US citizen, former WI resident) got married in 2006, and I moved here to Germany last September. Granted, we'd known each other for 20 years at the time we married, but most of that time was spent 4000 miles away as well. During the 6 years of our long distance marriage, one of us visited the other at Easter, for 2-3 weeks during the summer, in October, and at Christmas. So roughly 8-9 weeks total out of 52. Two weeks after our wedding I was back in WI and didn't see him again until 4 months later.

    We got good at living apart, but living together is far better. This was a permanent move for me, and I miss very little about the U.S..

    The thing is, any relationship - long distance or not - takes hard work every single day. More give than take. Good communication and cooperation. Mutual respect, love and trust. It doesn't require physical nearness if the love is real. Good luck!

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    1. Thanks! I couldn't imagine doing this for 6 years (and you were married)! Me and Marco have been lucky to see each other for long periods of time every 4-5 months. But congratulations on everything working out so well for you. I love to hear these stories.

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    2. I am In love with my German manfriend, we met sort of in December. It's really complicated but we make it work. Here's the crazy part- we've never physically met. Or should I say "not yet" he sends me an iMessage every single morning to wish me a good day and as soon as I wake I send him a reply. We just get each other and often times we talk all day. German men are so sweet, totally not the stereotype they are portrayed. I never was a person to fall in love so blindly but I also feel with technology such as skype, iMessage etc people from a distance can make it work and be successful.

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    3. Thank goodness for technology, it definitely makes it all possible. That will be an exciting day when you two finally meet!

      I also totally agree that German men are very sweet. I think most German men are raised without the macho mentality and pressure to "be a man!" So, they are much more sensitive (in a good way) and caring.

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  2. My wife, American. Me, Swede. Met online back in the day when that was still a novelty (17 years ago now - holy crap that's a long time ago), met in real life after about six months, lived three years together in the US, then went to Sweden to get married. For various reasons too complicated to get into here, I had to stay in Sweden, and she couldn't move over for 2,5 years and only visited three times in that period.

    Thankfully, this was in the early 2000s, just when transatlantic calling was starting to drop in price. We spent hours daily just hanging out on the phone, telling each other about the minutiae of our days. We still kind of do that; tell each other about things that aren't really all that interesting - or at least wouldn't be to anyone else or coming from anyone else. I think that's a large part of why we're still together, actually.

    So, yeah, it can work. We've been married twelve years now, and we're just starting to plan our move from Sweden to Berlin (thus why I stumbled over your blog). Best of luck on your move.

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  3. Just came across your blog on the expat-blog website! I moved from the UK to be with my boyfriend in Germany in Nov 2011 and it was absolutely the right decision. I was terrified about the move and of course there are challenges about living in a foreign country, but I don't regret it for a minute - it was the biggest but best decision of my life :)

    My tip would be to really give a big effort in learning German. Although most people will be able to communicate with you on a good level in English, if you plan on living here long term and to make Germany your home, you'll need to integrate to some extent, and to integrate, you really need to be able to speak German. It's tough sometimes, and frustrating when you feel you can't express yourself properly, but making that effort is absolutely worth it in the long run and I think people are much more accepting and welcoming if they can see that you are making an effort to interact with them on their own terms, i.e. in German.

    I wish you all the very best for your move!!!

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  4. After reading your post who will say that long distance relationship doesn't work. I think no matter how near or far you are until your love for the person has not change. Me and my partner yet not being in a long distance relationship but i would like to be to see how it works.

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    1. Thanks! I think it is truly a test, one that only the strongest relationships can withstand.

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  5. I know this post is old, but I just found your blog and so exciting that you were able to move to Germany to be with your German!!! It seems that everything is working out great for you there!
    I'm headed off to Munich myself in just a few days after 3 years of distance. It still hasn't quite sunken in that this time the ticket is only one way :)

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    1. It is definitely a strange yet amazing feeling! I am so excited for you, and it makes me so happy to hear another success story!

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  6. Thank goodness for technology, it definitely makes it all possible. That will be an exciting day when you two finally meet!

    I also totally agree that German men are very sweet. I think most German men are raised without the macho mentality and pressure to "be a man!" So, they are much more sensitive (in a good way) and caring.

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  7. Hey Courtney, this is a neat blog. I've read a few posts and came across this one. What you have is a wonderful beautiful relationship! I myself dated from here to Germany with a German man. We ended things as it was hard, (he had the harder time than I). Lüneberg is a beautiful city! Congrats on grad school and all that jazz. :) -Katharine H.

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  8. Thanks! That is really nice of you to say! Long distance is definitely hard, and I think it is really only possible when you have an end in sight, which we were lucky to always have.

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  9. The fact is, many people do successfully have long distance relationships. They make use of cheap calling plans and other resources in order to save money and still keep in touch. it helps a lot to hear the voice of the one you love.

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  10. Courtney, I'm headed to Germany in May after an 8 month period away from my boyfriend. We'll be going on three years in April.


    I know that this is an old post, but I'm really happy that you and Marco have been able to be together for so long. I'm just wondering if being together in the same country has changed the quality of your relationship?


    Long distance (although worth it for the right person) can really suck, and I can't wait until my boyfriend and I can go from a long distance relationship to just a regular relationship, but sometimes I'm scared if after doing long distance for so long things will be strange not doing long distance!

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  11. Being in the same country has definitely changed the quality of our relationship -- it has made it much better! At first, we did have a few fights that most people probably have closer to the beginning of their relationship (cleaning, shopping, etc.), but you quickly forget what it was ever like to be in a long distance relationship with that person.


    Marco and I are together for almost 4 years now, but only living in the same country for about 1.5. Still, it is weird to think about all the time we were away from each other. It kind of feels like we were together that entire time. Maybe he feels differently, I don't know.


    Anyways, the distance is a huge test, and I am sure your non-long distance relationship will be great if you have been able to come this far :)

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